So I haven't written a mental health blog post in over six months. I've had topics that I wanted to write about, and I even started a bunch of posts I never finished. I've been telling everyone that I've just been too busy to focus on writing, and yes I have had a lot going on over the past six months... but that's not the reason I stopped writing. I stopped writing because I wasn't ready to admit that I don't quite have everything as figured out and put together as I claim to.
The past couple of months have not been the best for me, personally. I haven't been making the best choices when it comes to dealing with pain. But I'm not writing this so that I can continue to blame my choices on others. It isn't about what happens to you in life, it's about how you choose to deal with it. And I need to learn to practice what I preach.
I started a new job this month, and one of the things we talk about in training is owning your outcomes. You want to be successful? You have to work for it. Take control and realize that nothing is going to get handed to you in life. You have to go out and get it for yourself. And I think this is a truly invaluable lesson, not only in my professional life... but my personal life, too.
So here I am. Ready to admit that as much as I talk about positivity and openness, I have been shut off emotionally and throwing myself a bit of a pity party. Yes, I am proud of the fact that I know exactly who I am. But there's a huge difference between knowing who you are and knowing what you want out of life. And I still have a lot of learning to do.
I don't really know what I'm doing or where I'm going to go from here. I know I don't have control over other's choices that will affect me. But I do have control over how I choose to look at those outcomes. Sure, I've lost a lot recently, but look at all that I've gained:
A great new job in the heart of downtown Austin.
Amazing friends that put up with my craziness and love me anyways.
A closer bond with my family than I've ever felt before.
Memories of what it's like to feel loved that I wouldn't take back for the world.
A deeper knowledge of my own mind.
And a love for myself that is stronger than it's ever been.
I can't promise that I will ever have it all figured out. But I can promise that I will actively work every day to choose positivity over self pity, focus on myself, take responsibility for my own choices, and be there for the people in my life that I care about.
Thanks so much for reading, I love you all.
Lindsey Taylor Daniel